


Scared To Be Lonely

by killerfrost



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Break Up, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 18:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerfrost/pseuds/killerfrost
Summary: Chanyeol and Kyungsoo know they're too different. Fights over trivial things have slowly become their daily routine. But why are they still holding on?(A fic inspired by Dua Lipa's Scared To Be Lonely, enjoy)





	Scared To Be Lonely

Seoul, 2014.

_It was great at the very start, hands on each other._

Park Chanyeol still remembered the first day he stumbled into a certain someone at his office. One of his new co-workers, he presumed. After all, the law firm he worked for was new and accepting all sorts of application from fresh law school graduates. Chanyeol had just started working a few months ago and taking on the simplest of cases.

Other than working on these simple cases, all he did was wander around the office, looking at a certain employee he had his eyes on at that time. Someone from accounting. Byun Baekhyun, he heard the guy introduce himself to the receptionist. But this Byun Baekhyun had never laid his eyes on him. He didn’t even know that Chanyeol existed.

Chanyeol was getting bored.

One day, he saw a small figure near the espresso machine, pouring coffee into his cup ever so elegantly. The tiny man turned around to look at Chanyeol, his lips forming a shy smile.

“Morning,” Chanyeol shot a smile back at the smaller man.

“Morning,” the man said, his voice as elegant as his smile, almost spilling his coffee in the process. “Mister…”

“Oh, call me Chanyeol. Just started here a few months ago.” Chanyeol hated it when people thought he was their superior just because of the vibe he gave off. He hated it when people called him mister. He just graduated a few months ago, for crying out loud.

“Me too. I mean, I just started…today. I’m Do Kyungsoo, by the way. From accounting.”

And that’s how it started.

Their next days were filled with morning coffee, having lunch together, and Chanyeol giving Kyungsoo a ride home in his (father’s) BMW since they lived close to each other. It went on that way for months until a cold winter’s day, until Chanyeol decided he wanted to get to know this cute, shy guy from accounting more. He wanted him to open up, since their car rides usually only consisted of Chanyeol talking and Kyungsoo nodding, smiling shyly. He only knew that his name was Do Kyungsoo, he’s an accountant, he lived near Chanyeol, he used to work for big 4 firms, and his best friend was Oh Sehun, one of Chanyeol’s colleagues.

So that day, Chanyeol asked him out to see a movie with him. It was a movie he knew Kyungsoo would like, and Kyungsoo wouldn’t say no. And he didn’t.

In fact, Kyungsoo seemed to be enjoying the movie. More than he enjoyed the car rides, it seemed. More than he enjoyed hearing Chanyeol talk. Chanyeol didn’t mind, as long as Kyungsoo was enjoying his time. He loved seeing Kyungsoo smile. He loved seeing Kyungsoo happy, having a good time to himself. But why? Why did he feel this way?

It seemed that Chanyeol enjoyed his time too. Being this close to the accounting guy, with their elbows touching. All of a sudden, he felt like dozing off. And he did.

When he woke up, his head was resting on the smaller man’s shoulder, the smaller man’s eyes now on him instead of the screen, smiling at him. “Wakey wakey, handsome.”

Chanyeol felt like laughing. Was the shy accounting guy flirting with him?

That night, something unexpected happened. Do Kyungsoo stopped Chanyeol before he could make his way to his car, holding him steady when the latter almost slipped down and fell on the slippery ground. He grabbed him by the hand, grinning at the taller man as he said,

“The past few months have been great. I don’t know how you began having these feelings for me, since I know you used to like someone else from accounting. Don’t think I didn’t know, because it’s been obvious ever since we saw each other at the pantry that morning. It’s been obvious ever since you started giving me these rides home, talking about how great you are, blahblahblah. But I’m glad you have feelings for me. Because you know what, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol froze. What the hell was Kyungsoo doing? This is so not Do Kyungsoo.

“I have feelings for you too.”

They shared their first kiss that night. A kiss so tender and warm, Chanyeol thought he could never forget it. Their lips intertwining, tasting each other’s tongue, until they forgot how cold it was. All Chanyeol could think of was how perfect his lips felt on top of Kyungsoo’s, how awkward yet cute Kyungsoo was when he asked Chanyeol to date him. He thought he could never forget how it felt.

Chanyeol could see his future with this man. Coming home from the court to an awkward, yet cute smile greeting him at his doorstep, cooking for Kyungsoo every day, cuddling on the couch while watching the military movies Kyungsoo loved, opening their own law firm together, and raising kids together. Chanyeol loved kids, and he could see this man being the father of his adoptive daughter and son.

Or at least he thought so.

*

Seoul, 2015

_Now we’re picking fights, and slamming doors, magnifying all our flaws._

“Hey, Kyungsoo! Guess what day it is?”

Kyungsoo could see his boyfriend grinning enthusiastically, being the playful guy he usually was. Quite the opposite of Kyungsoo. The latter had always been so unemotional, calm, and composed, not the type of person to get excited easily, his face void of expression. Whereas Chanyeol was the type of person who never forgot to have fun and live his life while working on various cases, the type of person to dream big, Kyungsoo was the dependable, down-to-earth accountant. Whereas Chanyeol opened his mouth almost every second of the day, Kyungsoo wasn’t much of a talker.

“What is it?”

“It’s been six months since we made our relationship official!”

“Does that mean we’ve reached the end of our relationship and we need to celebrate it?” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

“What?” Chanyeol’s smile turned into a frown.

“I’m just kidding.”

“You and your dark sense of humour.” Not to mention Kyungsoo was deadpanning. Chanyeol hated it when he got like this, but he had to admit Kyungsoo scared him right there to the point of laughter.

But why did he even joke about breaking up? _Who the hell does that? He’s not even funny._

“Anyway,” Chanyeol went back to smiling. “Yes, we need to celebrate our…uh, half-anniversary? We can go to a BBQ place in Hongdae.”

“Sounds great.”

The two made their way to Chanyeol’s car (which he parked a bit far away from the office since he was late that day and couldn’t find a decent place to park). Chanyeol went to grab his boyfriend by the hand, when suddenly Kyungsoo pulled his hand away from the taller man, his face still void of expression.

“Not in public, Chanyeol, please.”

They said nothing to each other for the rest of the walk. As usual, Kyungsoo stayed quiet during the car ride until Chanyeol decided to start a conversation. He put his hand on the accountant’s still hand. He didn’t resist this time.

“Look, I—I just think we shouldn’t be doing PDA.”

“But it’s just holding hands.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “How would you feel if you were single, and you had this one friend who’s dating a high-profile lawyer and he always flaunted the fact that he was dating this guy, and then they held hands in front of you?”

“I’d be happy for them, I guess?”

Kyungsoo laughed.

“You’d be jealous, Park Chanyeol.”

“Is this why you never set any of our selcas together as your display picture on KakaoTalk anymore?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “No, don’t bring that up again—“

“Why shouldn’t I—“

“Because I did it for the sake of keeping the other guys from flirting with you!” Kyungsoo half-yelled. “Everyone’s wondering how I got such a hot boyfriend and some people started asking me about you the minute I set a picture of us together as my display picture!”

Chanyeol sat there frozen. Whatever he just said didn’t make sense. Also, why did he have to yell?

“If they know we’re dating, then why are they asking you about me?”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Why do you feel the need to show the world we’re dating anyway? Does everyone have to know?”

“What’s wrong with showing off my boyfriend to the world?”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too much—“

“No, it’s not. You’re never too much for me, Soo.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

They arrived a few minutes later. Trying to resist the urge to hold Kyungsoo’s hand and make him feel protected, Chanyeol walked beside his boyfriend, looking at the shorter male with a smile. He’d forgotten what it was like to go out with him at night, since both of them had been so busy they hadn’t gone out for almost two months. Chanyeol still gave him a ride home, but that’s it. No dates since they were too busy.

Or were they?

“You know, we haven’t gone out in ages,” a deep, husky voice called out. Kyungsoo was disturbed from his daydream.

“You’ve been busy. I’ve been busy. We’ve both been busy. Look at the bright side, though. I got promoted, you get to handle less boring cases.” The last sentence made the taller man smile.

“I know, and I’m so proud of you, Kyungsoo. Sorry I couldn’t come over to celebrate with you the other day. Had to do some extra work from Junmyeon.”

Kyungsoo put on a smile for the first time that day. “It’s alright. Had some of my high school friends, Junmyeon, Jongdae, and Sehun come over. It was fun.”

“J-Junmyeon?”

“Yeah. He came to the party.”

It’s official. He hated Junmyeon now. Not that he liked his boss before. But now, Chanyeol decided he hated Junmyeon for making him do all the work while he went off to party with his subordinate’s boyfriend. Now Kyungsoo was flicking through his camera roll, grinning at pictures from his little party.

One picture, however, triggered Chanyeol.

He had his hands on this his shoulders. Whoever this guy was…

“That guy used to have a big, big crush on me back in high school,” Kyungsoo chuckled, showing Chanyeol more group pictures. “We ended up dating for a year and a half. I broke up with him ages ago, but look, our poses are still the same in every picture.”

“So?”

The shorter man gave out a shrug. “I don’t know, what do you think?”

Chanyeol felt like laughing. What did he think? Could he even think anymore? He felt bile rising up as he stood up and looked frantically for the bathroom. There was that sick feeling in his stomach, the same one he got every time he ate something spicy. Only this time, Kyungsoo’s words were spicy.

“Chanyeol? Is everything alright? You look pale.”

“Yeah, I just…I just need to go to the toilet.”

*

_Too much time, losing track of us. Where was the real?_

Chanyeol came to work half asleep that day. He spent the whole night tossing and turning (God knows how many nights he had spent lying awake in his bed for the past few weeks), thinking of who the man in the picture was. Kyungsoo’s ex. Kyungsoo’s clingy ex who still clung on to him even after Kyungsoo started dating someone else. They’d stopped dating, but this guy, whoever he was, gave Chanyeol the creeps.

“One iced cappuccino for Mr. Park,” a familiar voice called out. Chanyeol lifted his head up from his desk, slowly opening his eyes to a cup of coffee served right in front of him. “Oh, hey, you’re up.”

Jongdae stood in front of him. Chanyeol could swear he was trying to suppress a laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“You look like shit.”

“Ha, thanks.”

“Seriously, though. How long has it been since you actually had a good night sleep?”

Chanyeol shrugged. “Can’t remember. I just can’t get Kyungsoo’s ex out of my mind. Or how we barely go out anymore.”

“Ah, so you’re still not over it then,” Jongdae remarked. “I did talk to this guy but I had no idea he used to date Kyungsoo in high school. His name’s Kim Minseok.”

“Minseok, breakup jokes, his hatred towards PDA, his family hating my guts, busy schedules…how long is all of this going to last?” Chanyeol sighed.

“How long has it been since you told me a happy story about Kyungsoo?”

Chanyeol froze. How long had it been? _Dammit, brain, why can’t you remember anything?_

“I…don’t remember.”

He tried to remember all the kisses he shared with Kyungsoo. The soft embraces, the laughs they had, the movies they watched. Chanyeol really tried. His brain was rebelling against him, not letting him have his share of what he used to have with Kyungsoo. He couldn’t remember how they bonded. There was nothing similar about them. Hell, he couldn’t even remember what Kyungsoo’s lips felt like.

_You’re in so much trouble, Chanyeol._

*

_Undefined, spiraling out of touch, forgot how it feels._

There were many kinds of people at Chanyeol’s office. Mysterious charmers such as Oh Sehun, trolls such as Jongdae and Byun Baekhyun (who Chanyeol hadn’t had the pleasure of introducing himself to even after a year of working at the law firm), and a boss like Kim Junmyeon (who everyone either extremely loved or hated—there’s no in between). But of course, two people really stood out to Chanyeol: Kyungsoo, for being his boyfriend and Xiao Lu Han, an expert who got transferred all the way from China, for being the most eccentric guy at the office and having a “third eye”.

Rumours of Luhan having a sixth sense had spread throughout the office the minute he correctly predicted one of their past clients covered up a murder. Chanyeol hated it every time Luhan was right, but he was always right.

He just stormed out of another fight with Kyungsoo that day when he saw Luhan walking out of the office. Fights had become a routine. _It’s normal for couples to fight, right?_

“Long time no see, man,” the blond greeted him warmly. “How’ve you been?”

“Not too bad,” Chanyeol grinned. “How ‘bout you?”

“Pretty good. How’s Kyungsoo?”

“Uh…he’s not too bad himself.”

He knew he couldn’t hide anything from Luhan. “I know a lie when I hear one, Chanyeol. You guys are literally on the rocks here, and you know it. Everything’s beyond repair.”

“W-What?”

“You know it is. You guys are too different, yet you won’t admit it. Believe me, Chanyeol, there’s someone better for you out there. And there’s someone better for him out there too. But you’re scared.”

“I’m waiting.” _Waiting for this to pass._

Luhan smiled. “Yeah. You’re waiting for something really bad to happen, aren’t you?”

*

_Tell me, how can we keep holding on?_

From the start of the relationship, Kyungsoo had his doubts. Would Chanyeol turn out to be like Minseok, or would he be a completely different person than what Kyungsoo thought he would be? It seemed like he wasn’t Minseok at all.

Chanyeol was Chanyeol.

But here’s the thing: Minseok hated the crowd. Minseok hated attention. Minseok had always been so calm and secure, yet Chanyeol had always been too out there and adventurous. Kyungsoo rarely found Chanyeol on his own. The man always had friends to keep him company. He was a high-profile, top lawyer, unlike Minseok, the IT guy.

Kyungsoo was comfortable with Minseok. Too comfortable. He was icy cold, something Kyungsoo was used to. He was as cold as Kyungsoo, as stable and solid as him. It was different with Chanyeol. Chanyeol set his heart on fire, and he couldn’t thank the stars enough for this new season in his life.

So when Chanyeol asked him to meet up that day, just a week after what appeared to be their biggest fight ever (it ended with Kyungsoo giving Chanyeol a slap in the face for calling Minseok a “nostalgic, thirsty bitch”), and showed up at their favourite café with a weak smile on his face, Kyungsoo decided he wasn’t ready for it to end.

“Why?”

Chanyeol smiled weakly. “Enough is enough. We’re hurting each other, Kyungsoo.”

“But why, Chanyeol? We’ve fought a lot of times, and never once did I intentionally hurt you. It was just a slap, for fuck’s sake!”

“It’s not just a slap.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ve apologised so many times! You’re the one with the big ass ego who never said sorry! And don’t you dare bring Minseok into this again—“

“You’re clearly not over him.”

Kyungsoo slammed his fist on the table. “I! Am! Over! Kim! Minseok!”

“Then why are you wasting your time with him? Why are you wasting your time with ME?” shot Chanyeol, his eyes filled with fury. “Goddamn it, Do Kyungsoo! How come you haven’t realised it yet?”

“Realised what?”

Kyungsoo could tell Chanyeol was about to burst into tears.

“WE BOTH DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER AND WE DON’T EVEN REALISE IT!”

Never had he seen the cheerful giant cry his heart out the way he did at the café that day. Kyungsoo didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t put his arms around Chanyeol to comfort him, that would freak him out. Instead, he just sat there frozen as he tried to think of what to say. Chanyeol was totally out of control this time.

“But why are we still together? You don’t think there’s a reason behind all of this do you…like we’re meant to persevere through this or something like that…”

Chanyeol let out a weak laugh. “Some people are just too different. I can’t even remember if we had anything in common anymore. You hate my friends and I hate yours. I like going out and you like staying in. I like watching superhero movies and you like watching documentaries and military movies.”

“Besides, you were the one who’s always joking about breaking up.”

“Doesn’t mean I really want it! I mean, yes, I thought about it, but we’ve been together for almost a year now. Do you really want to throw it all away? Eleven months, Chanyeol. “

“Some couples get married within the first five months of their relationship. You do know that, don’t you? It’s not about how much time you’ve spent together.”

“Then what is this all about?”

Chanyeol wiped a tear off his cheek, half-smiling. “Love, Kyungsoo.”

“Love?”

“I’m happy when you’re happy. That’s love.”

Kyungsoo scoffed. “Then why are you leaving me?”

“Whenever we go out, you’re always sulking. You don’t like it when your friends know we’re dating, because they think I’m this rich, spoiled son of an executive, which I am. You don’t enjoy holding hands with me, when I have a thing for hands. You look so much happier on your party pictures than on our selcas.”

Kyungsoo ran out of words. Not because Chanyeol was falsely accusing him of those things. But because everything he just said was true.

“I just want you to be happy, Soo. And if making you happy means leaving you alone, so be it.”

“I…want you to be happy too, Chanyeol.”

“Be happier than me, okay?”

*

Seoul, 2017

Two years.

Two years ago, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo sat together at this café, ending their eleven month relationship with tears.

Chanyeol still remembers everything that happened that lonely day. He just can’t remember one thing: how did he end up falling in love with Kyungsoo? What did Kyungsoo’s lips taste like? It all seems so far away. _Whatever,_ he thinks as he takes a sip of his coffee. He sees his now ex-boss Junmyeon pass by ( _is that Oh Sehun holding his hand? More like Oh no, he didn’t!_ ), waving at him as he sits down on a chair near the empty chair in front of Chanyeol.

Then he sees them.

Kyungsoo walk in, his hand holding the other’s so firmly. The man is tall (although not taller than Chanyeol), his built arm slung around Kyungsoo’s shoulder the way Chanyeol’s used to. He has a rather dark complexion and ruffled black hair. His stare is sharp, as if reminding everyone in the room not to talk to his man.

Kim Jongin’s his name, Jongdae updated him a while ago. Well-known as “Jongin from IT”. Chanyeol has never met the guy before. He’s quit the company to work as an attorney last year and he hasn’t met Kyungsoo or talked to him ever since. All he knows is that he’s glad Kyungsoo’s found someone.

Someone who would never bitch about his ex. Someone who doesn’t get jealous so easily. Someone who doesn’t take him out when he’s tired of socialising. Someone who doesn’t whine about him not wanting to go public. Someone who is capable of loving him better than Chanyeol did.

Just when Chanyeol raises his head to get a better look at Jongin, his gaze meets Kyungsoo’s. And he can see him smiling.

How he missed that smile. And that kiss. He’s starting to remember everything. How sweet Kyungsoo’s lips were, how breathtakingly raw and exciting their first kiss was. How it was a cold winter’s night yet none of them felt anything but fire inside their hearts. The flames are back in Chanyeol’s heart, and boy, this isn’t good. Chanyeol wants to run away. He wants to escape to the river, to the bliss he’s always dreamt of.

He finds himself sitting on a bench facing the river. The bliss, he always calls it.

He can’t hold it in anymore. He lets it flow like a waterfall streaming down his face. The tears run out, just like how the sparks for Chanyeol in Kyungsoo’s heart run out the minute he saw Jongin at the office for the first time.

But now Kyungsoo’s finally happier than him.

Chanyeol is happy.

These aren’t just sad tears—these are also tears of happiness.

“You okay there?”

Chanyeol can hear a soft, manly voice call out to him. He looks up to see a tiny, familiar figure standing in front of him with a tissue in his hand, offering it to a teary-eyed Chanyeol. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

“Wait, I swear I’ve seen you somewhere…”

 _You definitely have_ , Chanyeol smiles weakly as the stranger—whose name he can’t remember—sits down next to him. Chanyeol has to admit, he looks even cuter than he did when he first saw him at the office, with the white shirt and black slacks. He knows he’s seen this stranger at his former workplace. He just can’t remember his name.

“You wanna talk about it? I’m here to listen if you want.”

“I’m okay, really,” Chanyeol chuckled. “By the way, I’m Park Chanyeol. Nice to meet you.”

“Byun Baekhyun. Nice to meet you.”


End file.
